holding loosely

That precious hand ...

I prayed that I would hold it loosely. 

So many times, I thought about the newborn stage with anxiety over MY baby. Then I'd hear the voice of the Holy Spirit: no no no. He's not MY baby. He is God's baby, entrusted to me for a time to steward well. I prayed that I wouldn't NEED him or try to use him to meet my needs. Just like marriage is such a struggle when I look to Zack to meet my needs, motherhood wouldn't have gone well if I had looked to my son to meet my needs. That wasn't Abraham's role, either. I also prayed that he would grow up to be a man, not a mama's boy. I will never understand why he was taken from me, but he was never really mine to begin with. God answered my most frequent prayer, swiftly--my son will spend eternity with Him in Heaven. 

[ONLY] Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. 

Hebrews 13:8 

I am most definitely grieving, and I'd give anything to be celebrating my son's first month with us today instead of remembering his first and last day. Still, I know God is good, and I trust Him. 

thankful Thursday: quiet time

I have realized that my days go best--I am happiest and most productive--when I follow somewhat of a routine. I am so thankful to have time to slow down each morning with the Lord. I try to start my day with prayer and Bible study, then a workout, before moving on to my to do list for the day, which usually includes some wedding tasks, moving tasks, and general errands. Yes, I realize that I am extremely fortunate to have the luxury to do these things! Every day looks different, but having this structure in place is a huge help for me. The outlook of my whole day is improved when I get in quiet time in the morning. I can welcome *interruptions* [God's plan] to my day with a better attitude. 

How do you structure your day? Comment at the bottom or email me at handmedownstyle at gmail dot com. 

Below are a few verses and quotes that have been on my mind and heart lately. 

thankful Thursday: patience

Patience is a virtue, and it's the one we hesitantly pray for, or don't pray for at all because we're afraid we'll have a long season of waiting and then we'll get it. 

I am so thankful for my parents' patience with me, for Zack's patience with me, and most of all, the Lord's patience. His faithfulness knows no bounds, even after I make the same mistakes time and again. One of my favorite passages is in Lamentations 3, "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." 

I love Priscilla Shirer's talk on Jonah, when she emphasizes the Lord coming to Jonah a second time. When Jonah disobeyed, the word of the Lord came to Jonah a second time. She thanks God for giving us a second, third, fiftieth chance.

How has God given you a second chance? I pray that my heart is not hardened and I take that chance while I can. 

thankful Thursday: grace

I look out at the yard blanketed with snow and can't help but think, "He washed me white as snow." 

"Grace, grace, God's grace, 

Grace that will pardon and cleanse within; 

Grace, grace, God's grace, 

Grace that is greater than all our sin." 

written by Julia H. Johnston, 1910

I get to not only live but have an abundant life through the grace of Jesus. Romans 5:8 says, "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." I can't do anything right on my own. I could never earn my way into Heaven. Even on my best day, I'm still a sinner. Even when I do something "right," I immediately pat myself on the back for it. We are all selfishly motivated. Everyone sins (Romans 3:23); not one of us can measure up to God's standards. 

But here's the switch: though I deserve death, He gives me life. Romans 6:23 says, "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." He loves us enough that He paid the price for our sins on the cross, going through hell for us, and He gives us the benefit of the perfect life He lived: eternal life. 

By faith, we can access his grace (Romans 5:2). Thanks be to God! For He gives us the victory (1 Corinthians 15: 56-57). 

As with most aspects of the gospel, I am learning, grace is essential in marriage. I just finished reading The Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller. He writes, 

How do you get the power of grace? You can't create this power; you can only reflect it to others if you have received it. If you see Jesus dying on the cross for others, forgiving the people who killed him, that can be just a crushing example of forgiving love that you will never be able to live up to. But if instead you see Jesus dying on the cross for you, forgiving you, putting away your sin, that changes everything. He saw your heart to the bottom but loved you to the skies. And the joy and freedom that comes from knowing that the Son of God did that for you enables you to do the same for your spouse. It gives you both the emotional humility and wealth to exercise the power of grace. (185-186)

Zack and I need the grace of God every day, and thereby, we give grace to each other. 

I know it is by God's grace that I have Zack in my life at all. I remember Ashley Gorman speaking about her husband and how he is a gift from God last year. She said that she doesn't deserve her husband, but God, by his grace, gave her her husband. I didn't quite understand that at the time, or maybe I just didn't believe that God would show me that same kind of grace. I did not earn Zack because I dated God's way 100% of the time or because I did good works to please God. I did not earn Zack at all. In God's infinite grace, for his glory, He gave me Zack.

God could have chosen a completely different way to work in our lives, and it still would have been his grace at work. Some things begin to make sense as time goes on, and some things we won't understand until this earthly life is over. For now, I am thankful for my salvation through God's grace and for the chance to walk through life with the one I love. I am thankful that our story doesn't end here. 

Granny

My grandmother, Granny, passed away recently. My earliest memories of her include reading me Yertle the Turtle and making me pancakes when I spent the night at her house. I also remember my mom driving us to the mall (#mychildhood), and Granny would always say, "Kathryn's being so quiet back there. I think she fell asleep," just trying to get me to say something. 

Living right next to my high school, Granny could tell my mom when I was late to school, but she was also happy to write me an excuse and to let me and all of my friends come over for off campus lunch. She had classic style, and it was common for me to compliment something she wore, only for her to take it off and give it to me. I'm wearing one of her sweaters as I write this, and I even spent a whole month in her sweaters last year. She left me quite a stylish inheritance that I hope to continue to share on the blog. 

I am so thankful for the legacy of each of my grandparents. I've been fortunate to have all four of them for most of my life--until two years ago--and I still have my dad's parents. 

When my grandfather passed away, I began to understand why we took food to people when they lost a family member. With visitation and funeral to attend, obituary to write, et cetera, it's nice to not have to plan a meal. I woke up on the morning of my grandmother's funeral and thought to myself, I can have literally anything I want for breakfast today. What a show of love and care from friends of my family. 

I've been slowly making my way through Keep a Quiet Heart by Elisabeth Elliot, reading an article each morning. On the morning of my grandmother's funeral, I read an article about church troubles. She writes, "How shall the world recognize His love unless we act in love toward one another?" I saw the love of the church for my family as they cared for us before, on, and after that day. 

I hold dear each precious friend who brought us food, sent us cards, attended the visitation and funeral, emailed, and texted me memories of my grandmother. At the time, I didn't always acknowledge each act of kindness, but I do appreciate them. I hope that I will love and support my friends as well in their times of need. Certainly my parents have set that example for me over the years. 

guest post on This is My Life

I wrote a guest post today on my friend Erin's blog, This is My Life. She is hosting a series on steps of faith, featuring a friend's story each week. Check it out for more than you ever wanted to know about the last year and a half of my life, with an emphasis on singleness and church.

one year after Asia

A year ago, I was headed to Asia. I had just finished my first year working. I was exhausted and a little sick from the race to finish the school year and simultaneously packing and preparing a presentation I would give in Asia. 

The trip started out rough and continued the same way as I spent much of my time either sick or afraid. Although it's easy to remember the bad, there was SO MUCH good. 

I sat arm in arm with my best Asian friend as she realized that "Jesus is perfect" and chose to give Him her life. I got to encourage and be encouraged by new friends who have a hard road following Jesus, persecuted by their government, their education system, and their own families. I watched a mother cry with joy in a hospital when I told her that her son was going to be okay. I looked people in the eye in a dark, dark place, and prayed for them. 

Y'all, why me?! Why me, a first year in my career, going to Asia, where there is no one in my career field, to teach people about normal speech and language development in children? Why me, advising doctors at the top of their field on how to treat children's speech and swallowing disorders? I was neither qualified, prepared, nor experienced enough to earn those positions, but God somehow used me to help just a little bit. 

He prepared these works before I was even born (Ephesians 2:10).

How fortunate I am to have those experiences and to live in a place where (for now) I have religious freedom. 

Yesterday morning, I was reading in Psalm 130, and it took me back. 

If you, O Lord, should mark iniquities,

O Lord, who could stand?

But with you there is forgiveness,

that you may be feared.

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,

and in his word I hope;

my soul waits for the Lord

more than watchmen for the morning,

more than watchmen for the morning.

Psalm 130:3-6

The photo above, I took early in the morning on the day we left Asia. It was a difficult trip, and I couldn't wait to go home. The very last night, the power went out at my friends' apartment (they prepaid for electricity), so we couldn't charge our phones or play on the iPad and we slept in the heat, way up on the 22nd floor. But that sunrise meant that the night was over, we could see (!!!) to pack, and we were finally going home. 

I don't deserve to live in the USA or to have a Bible or to have a family who raised me in a Christian home. I certainly don't deserve God's forgiveness. If He marked my iniquities, I would earn eternity in hell. But with Him, there is forgiveness. Praise God! 

growing older and the gospel

I mentioned a few weeks ago that I'd be back soon with some thoughts on growing older and my goals. Truthfully, I've been working on posts for a while, and I just can't get it quite right. So I'll start here.

As I've written before, I'm not crazy about birthdays. There's nothing I hate more than people singing happy birthday to me! Especially the last few years, birthdays have been worse. And better. Some things get better with age, and I'm beginning to understand what others have told me about the mystery of the gospel.

Each year, I grow in deeper relationship with my Savior. I've come to realize recently that we don't ever get past the gospel. Jesus justifies us when He calls us and we rely on Him for our salvation. Sanctification, however, is a life long process. I want to be like Jesus, but I know I will never be like Him while I live on this earth. Only when I am in Heaven in my new body will I be fully sanctified. 

Why, then, did I think that I wouldn't sin so much now? Why did I think I would be past this point? Why did I think there was something more to the Christian life, beyond the gospel?

I realized that I'm not the only one that thinks that way when I heard my pastor say the same thing in his sermon two weeks ago. (view it here; Acts 9 from March 2; watch it all, but he mentions this after about 29:20)

The gospel applies to everything. If you are in a Bible believing church, you probably hear the term "the gospel" in reference to many things. Whether or not you hear it all the time, it's important to stop and remember what the gospel is. How would you explain the gospel in your own words? (I love hearing different perspectives; please comment!)

In my own words, the gospel is (or should be) the lens through which I view everything. God has always existed, and He created man in his own image, for his own delight. Man sinned, rebelling against God, and thereby introduced death into the world. We all sin (Romans 3:23), and the cost of sin is death (Romans 6:23). God sent his son, Jesus, to live a perfect life that we could not live. Jesus was God's plan for redemption from the beginning. He came to the earth both fully as a man and fully as God. He bore the wrath for our sin on the cross, descended into hell, and rose from the dead. Jesus defeated death and made a way by which we could be saved. He is the only way (John 14:6). He calls to us and we respond (Romans 10:9,10), but is only by his grace that we may be saved, not of ourselves (Ephesians 2:8).

God credited me with Christ's righteousness, not because of anything I have earned. I know I cannot and do not work to earn salvation, so why do I think I should work to earn his love after I've been saved? Although God adopted me into his family, I am still human. I have sinful desires, and I sin. There will never be a point I reach in my earthly life when I don't sin.

But I should not despair. My sin has been nailed to the cross. Jesus paid it ALL. Yes, I continually repent. In doing so, I see my sin more clearly and then see God's love for me more clearly. I need Him EVERY hour. The more I realize that, the more I seek Him, and the closer I get to Him. He wants us to go to Him with every concern, every need. Perhaps that's why we don't ever get it perfect on this earth. If I didn't need Him any more, I wouldn't get to enjoy Him. So, every passing year, that relationship gets sweeter.

To be continued ...

2014 Goal Setting

We are thirteen days into the new year, and I'm still working on goal setting for this year. The last two years, I made one big goal for myself each year, and I like how those set the tone for the year. Those goals dealt with how I treat others and how I talk about things. I want to honor God in my life and speech, and this year, my big idea was to wait on the Lord. I want to glorify Him in all that I do and follow his lead instead of blindly making things happen. However, I have seen how God used goals to grow me over the last two years, and I want to be accountable for using my time wisely.

I would love to hear your goals, hopes, and dreams for 2014. Please share also if there are certain things you'd like to see here on Hand Me Down Style.

FIVE on Friday

I've got a pretty simple Five on Friday this week--a few new-to-me places around town and favorite things. 

ONE | I've tried my fair share of dry shampoos. My current favorite is this psssst! brand that I picked up at Ulta recently. I hate smelling dry shampoo on myself, but this one's scent is light and pleasant. 

                                                 

TWO | Last weekend, my mom and I stopped by Yellow Dog Bread Company. The chocolate croissant took me back to Paris. My mom's hot chocolate was delicious, too. Plus, their address is perfect.

THREE | I've been following along with the She Reads Truth devotions throughout Advent, and they started a new series this week. Check it out here.

FOUR | I visited Sola Coffee last week and had coconut oolong tea--warm, tasty, and not as earthy as most teas.

FIVE | This week, I went to trivia at Raleigh Brewing Company. It was a great time, there were dogs everywhere, and we even won a little prize.

Have a great weekend!

You can link up for Five on Friday, too, at any of these blogs:

The Good Life Blog

Carolina Charm

A.Liz Adventures

Hello! Happiness

waiting

As I mentioned before, my small group went through this Advent study together through the season this year. The lessons that stood out to me most were those from week 1 and week 5, lessons about waiting. Israel waited for the Messiah, and we are still waiting for his second coming.

We talked through some things each of us is hoping for in her life, but the true promises from God's Word that we wait for come down to waiting on Heaven. If you are a child of God, you wait for Him to come back to earth and you wait for eternity with Him.

In our waiting, we must remember that God's timing is not like our timing, and we ought to live holy and godly lives (2 Peter 3).

I wait for my Savior at Christmas, and I wait every day for his return, for the fullness of the glory of God both in heaven and here on earth. I look forward to my heavenly body in times of pain and sickness. I long for eternity, knowing Him fully and seeing what I know now by faith. More immediately, I want to see his glory in life's little moments: realizing I've finally forgiven what I could only let go with his help, being loved when I don't deserve it, seeing friends healed, beholding his magnificent creation, opportunities to share the gospel, divine connections with others, deep and abiding love that only comes from God.

What are you waiting for?

angel ornaments

I signed up for Southern Weddings Magazine's ornament exchange this year for the first time.  I thought about what I wanted to make ahead of time, but I changed my mind a few times based on what I could find at the craft store and what would be least likely to break in the mail.  

I settled on some kind of angel using a pine cone then searched my backyard.  I glued bows on for the wings and pom poms for the heads.  These reindeer are adorable, but I wanted to make something related to the true meaning of Christmas.  A friend gave me a slip of paper with a verse she was attaching to ornaments, so I used the same verse and printed it on card stock to attach with twine for hanging the ornament.  

But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord."

Luke 2:10-11

Each one was a little different, but it was a simple craft that made a sweet ornament to send to my swap partners.

Have you participated in an ornament exchange?  What kind of ornaments have you made?

Christmas decorating: tree and wreaths

HMD earrings // Moon and Lola metal script monogram necklace // Tory Burch shirt // HMD sweater from Granny // HMD belt from Mom // J. Crew cafe capri // Minnetonka moccasins

Decorating certainly helps me prepare for Christmas, and I am enjoying this study that my small group is doing together during Advent.  Although my December calendar is filling up, I hope that I take time to remember the real meaning of Christmas.  I have a Savior who gave up his privileges as the son of God to live a sinless life I couldn't live and pay for my sin.  Praise God!

How do you prepare for Christmas?  

bitterness and forgiveness

The other day, my dad read a devotional to me: the root of bitterness by Os Hillman.

How convicting is that?!  Forgiveness has been a strong theme in my life over the past year or so; I know that God is teaching me something.  Little by little I have asked God for help with forgiving certain "wrongs" or certain people.  Then something happens that fires me up again, and I realize I haven't forgiven them that much after all.  Sometimes my own sin is so clear to me.

I know that I should forgive.  While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8).  In light of my sin, how can I think that I deserve anything but death?  Still, Jesus went to the cross for me, and He calls me to follow Him, growing more and more like Him.  

I know that I should love and pray for my enemies (Matthew 5:44).  I have learned through experience that my heart can change toward someone--yes, even toward an "enemy"--through prayer.  What if instead of wishing someone the worst, you prayed for him and believed that your heart could change toward him?  

I don't have the answers on this one.  Forgiveness is tough, and it becomes even harder as bitterness takes root.  But God's grace is enough.  

Please share your thoughts. 

trustworthy

Recently, I finished a Nehemiah Bible study by Kelly Minter.  She makes the Old Testament come alive and reveals applicable lessons.  I know the Bible is sufficient, and every part of it has something for us today.  I really enjoyed this study and recommend it, especially with a small group.  I also went through Ruth and recommend that one, too.

In Nehemiah 13, after Nehemiah led the people in rebuilding the wall around Jerusalem, despite enemies attacking him along the way, he went back to his previous role as the cupbearer for King Artaxerxes.  While Nehemiah was away, a person he had left in charge permitted someone to live in the house of God, and the people did not provide for the Levites (priests) as they were supposed to.  

Nehemiah came back and discovered the evil in Jerusalem.  He took measures to solve the problems and ensure that kind of evil would not happen again.  In verse 13, he says "I put Shelemiah the priest, Zadok the scribe, and a Levite named Pedaiah in charge of the storerooms and made Hanan son of Zakkur, the son of Mattaniah, their assistant, because they were considered trustworthy. They were made responsible for distributing the supplies to their fellow Levites."

They were considered trustworthy.  

Kelly writes, "The world doesn't need more wealth, strength, power, or skill as much as it desperately needs trustworthy people.  My heart is never more at rest, my soul never more at peace than when I am in the presence of a person of integrity" (153).  

She challenges the reader to listen to the Holy Spirit and confess areas where she has not been trustworthy.  She asks what gets in the way of being trustworthy and what challenges the desire to be a trustworthy person.  

This is tough.  I had a hard time thinking of even one person in my life that I consider completely trustworthy.  Because none of us are trustworthy; only God is trustworthy; only God is perfect.  He is worthy of trust, and yet we behave as if He is not because we believe lies (another of my need-to-learn lessons from this study).  Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8), and He is worthy of trust.  

Most often, I am not trustworthy, and I don't trust others, because we gossip.  Haven't we all been hurt by a rumor?  Yet we continue to gossip.  My selfishness gets in the way of my being trustworthy because I choose to do what I want to do instead of what another needs of me.  

I am reminded of a few lines in this creed:

"To walk in the way of honor, guarding the purity of our thoughts and deeds.

Being steadfast in every duty small or large. Believing that our given word is binding."

[Note: I hold in high regard our creed because it's biblical, not solely because it is the creed of my fraternity.]

I can practice being trustworthy in the little things -- following through on what I say I'll do and not repeating something a friend has told me.  Jesus said, "whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much" (Luke 16:10).  I have no idea what "much" could mean in my life, but I pray that I will become trustworthy.  

Do you consider someone in your life a trustworthy person?  What keeps you from being trustworthy?

Bible study and pizza

I hosted my Bible study group last week.  Each time we meet, we have it at someone's house and she cooks the meal that night.  I made pizza and served it with salad, fruit, and vegetables.  I also made a cookie cake, which is not pictured because I made the icing too runny, and it was a mess.  

I sauteed sliced mushrooms with some grated elephant garlic and fresh herbs.  

A woman at the farmers market talked me into the elephant garlic, and this was actually the smallest size she sold.  She said that it is kind of like a mix between onions and garlic and it is in the leek family.  I have sliced and grated it to go in a few things I sauteed; it smells like onions when raw and looks like garlic.  I can't exactly pinpoint the flavor since I've mixed it with several other foods, but I would say it is milder than either onions or garlic when cooked.  

Again, I put my dad's friend's fresh herbs to work.  I sauteed oregano with the mushrooms; it smelled amazing as soon as it hit the hot pan!

I have made pizza crust several ways, but my favorite is using pizza crust yeast and following the recipe on the packet.  Well, this time I wandered away for about thirty minutes [distracted by blogs I'm sure] and came back to find the dough had risen quite a bit.  I then rolled it out and topped it and put it in the refrigerator for a few hours before it was time to bake it.  It was the best crust I have made yet--a little crispy on the outside with a yeasty flavor.  

I chopped some more oregano along with basil to top the more adventurous of the two pizzas.  

The finished products: something for everyone.  We have different palates in our group, so I made a little part of each pizza with a different combination of cheese and toppings.

What's your favorite meal to cook when you're hosting friends?

Bible studies lately

I must say that this hand me down style stuff is really so much bigger than an old Gucci bag or Burberry coat that my mother gave me.  The most important thing my family ever handed down to me is my faith in God.  Now please do not misunderstand this.  I am a believer because I am saved by God's grace.  Jesus lived a perfect life, bore the wrath of God on the cross for my sins, and arose from the dead.  Many years of my parents taking me to church, sending me to Christian camp, and living out their faith in front of me helped lead to that, but they did not simply hand me down my faith.  I am not a Christian because they are Christians; I am a Christian because of grace through faith.  

Isaiah 54:10 His unfailing love will not be shaken

Romans 10:9 and 10 says,

If you declare with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord" and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.  For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved.  

It does not say that if you attend church every Sunday or teach Sunday school or serve in the nursery, you will be saved.  But,

Romans 10:17 says,

Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word about Christ.  

I am so thankful for my parents reading to me from the Bible, praying with our family, taking me to church, and living out their own relationships with Jesus.  I heard the message, and I saw my parents study the Word.  Now I study the Word.  

Rifle Paper Co. notebook purchased from Design Darling

I take sermon notes and write down prayers, Bible study notes, and favorite verses in little notebooks.  When I filled mine up and had no more blank ones, I ordered this pretty botanical journal from Mackenzie Horan's boutique Design Darling.  

currently making my way through a study on Nehemiah by Kelly Minter

Do you study the Bible?  Do you have a favorite verse, book of the Bible, or Bible study tool?

packing for summer trips

It's time for summer beach and lake trips as Memorial Day is approaching this weekend.  To get started, I would pack:

bathing suits!   I love bathing suits.  Time for Lilly suits and white suits if you're not too pale.
comfortable dresses to wear as cover ups or out and about.
tinted moisturizer with sunscreen.  No need for full make up, but sunscreen is important.  My favorite is this Mary Kay tinted moisturizer SPF 20.
a monogrammed beach towel.  No one can steal your towel if it has your name on it.
running shorts, tank tops, etc. for working out. Running on the flat land at the beach is a nice break from the hills around my house!
books.  This is how I relax.
my Bible and notebook.  Vacation means more time to pray and study the Bible.  Get away from the stress and meditate on God's word.

What are your summer trip essentials?

On another note, I got together with Lauren Winstead this week to shoot some outfits.  They will be coming to the blog soon!

deck time and haircut

The weather on Saturday morning was just about perfect.  When I woke up, it was 72 degrees and cloudy.  I enjoyed sitting on the deck praying, reading my Bible, and looking at a devotion book.  

Why am I still reading the March issue of Journey?  Because even my devotions are hand me downs, ha!  My mom passed this one along to me when she was done with it.

I have some long to-do lists these days as I wrap up my first year of work and prepare for summer travels.  My dad patiently tagged along to get the passport sized photos I needed for a visa.

I figured it was about time for a haircut since it's been about five months.  My stylist was out on maternity leave and just came back a couple of weeks ago.  

This shirt is one of my most favorite hand me downs!  As much as I like clothes and looking nice when I go somewhere, I do not always give the same care to what I wear at home.  What is cooler than a well worn flying club t shirt to a hand me down pilot wannabe?!

It does not look all that much shorter in these pictures, but it certainly feels shorter!  I am wearing my new Everlane white t in these pictures, with J. Crew shorts and mom's scarf belt.  

I also watched my cousin's son on Saturday.  It was a whole lot of fun, and I missed him when he left, but I don't think I'm ready for a two year old quite yet.

I hope everyone had a nice weekend and enjoyed the beautiful weather while it lasted!